The Fanfic Guide to Fullmetal Fanfiction
by Ayumi Elric
Summary: Fullmetal Fanfiction got you down? Just not writing the way you want to? Having trouble because you don't have the amount of reviews that you want? Come learn to improve your fanfics, open to both noobs and veterans and all in between!Because Ed says to!
1. Intro thingy

Heyas! This is fanfic author Ayumi Elric. n.n Like, hi. Welcome to FMF: The Guide. Just a fanfic I decided to write for one main reason:

FMA FANFICS ARE STARTING TO SUCK!!! DX

I'm not saying all of them. There are _a lot_ of really talented writers on ff. It's just…the n00bs, man! The n00bs keep finding a computer, deciding to write a fanfic and fill OUR website with their n00by n00bish-ness!

So! I've been nice. I've scanned a few n00b works, I've waited for better fanfics to come. But come on! Is there a reason why people just suck so badly at writing and continue to write anyway?? So now I'm stepping in to do something about it. Granted, I'm not sure if this will work anyway, the n00bs might just skip over this and continue to n00b it up, but ya know. It's worth a try anyway.

Now, I'm not saying I'm queen of the fanfics here. I'm not writing this to brag and be all "BWAHAHAH, MY FANFICS ARE BETTER CUZ UR SUCKS LIKE WOAH!" That would make me a bitch. Which I'm not. Completely anyway. I know probably tons of people who write better then I do (grr). I'm just writing this for what I like to read in fanfics. Basically, I like GOOD fanfics. Etc…

I'm writing this for n00bs and veterans alike! Hoping that its liked and does good to the FMA Fanfiction world as we know it. Next chapter coming soon, when I actually start teaching people stuff! Ayumi, signing off!


	2. What is Fullmetal Fanfiction?

Yes, this is a quick update. Why? Cuz I have no fanfics to read. Oh, the irony…

Now! On with the teaching thingy! Today's lesson? What is Fullmetal Fanfiction.

Well, first of all, it's a made-up term that I, well, made up, and I think it sounds cool! It comes from the Risembool Ranger term 'Fullmetal', which means anything that's superior to anything of it's kind. Like, for example, Fullmetal Lemonade means that that particular lemonade pwns like woah and is the best for its lemony goodness and so on.

Which means if your fanfic is Fullmetal, it pwns other fanfics and a lot of people like it. You WANT your fanfic to be Fullmetal.

What makes a fanfic Fullmetal? For one thing, it has to not suck. Who wants to read a fanfic that sucks? Probably only other n00bs. But really, let's get things straight:

IF YOUR STORY SUCKS, NO ONE CARES!

So don't whine or complain if you just put up your first fanfic and it hasn't become a hit yet! Cuz I assure you, even if your fanfic is good, there's no way it'll be completely popular as soon as you post it. Sometimes it'll take days, even weeks for people to start liking it, during that time you can either ignore it or emo in a corner wondering "Why for the love of everything good in this world, WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME!!!"

…Ignoring it is better. Emo-ing makes you…emo…

What's another thing that makes fanfics Fullmetal? Being original. When you're original, people are drawn to your story faster. Face it, if you're gonna be one of the THOUSAND of FMA High school fanfic authors, it'll have to be pretty damn good to have people reading it. Creativity is key!

Then, there comes being OOC. OOC stands for Out Of Character. And, like Farawen said in her review (yay reviewing!) unless it's SUPPOSED to be OOC, don't have characters do things they wouldn't normally do. Because it's freaking annoying to read in fanfics. You want OOC-ness, make a comedy about it! People like it…

And another thing. Original Characters, the glue that puts fanfics together. Usually makes you more creative as an author. EXCEPT! When your OC is a Mary Sue, or Gary Stu as I believe the other term is for male characters.

MARY SUES DESERVE TO ALL DIE IN THE MOST VIOLENT WAYS!!!!!

Nobody likes them. At least nobody _I_ know. They're annoying, aren't creative and bug the hell out of me. I'm not gonna rant about them for long, I'm dedicating a whole chapter to their doom later, but come on! If you're not sure your character is a MS, ask someone and make sure they tell the damn truth! Your feelings will be hurt a lot more when people decide to flame your fanfics cuz of your MS.

And uh…plot! When it comes to comedy, screw plots, that's my motto! But if you're being serious, you need a plot and a good plot at that. Plots are the backbone of a fanfic, there's no point writing something without something to write about. But I'm warning you; don't take too long to start adding your plot in a fanfic. People can and _will_ get bored of you, and they will abandon you…haha.

Well, I'm running out of basic things to talk about, so I'll stop here. Read, n00bs, read it and realize your n00b-ish mistakes and come into the world of veteran-isms!!!


	3. Lingo you need to know

And I now continue with something I really think I should have before getting to the _real_ important stuff. Just some backround and stuff: Lingo you need to know. Which is fun to say!

Because trust me, it's almost like, n00b tradition to find a fanfic and you don't know what a certain word means but decide to read it anyway. Countless people have burned their eyes out because they didn't know what 'yaoi' or a 'lemon' meant. Even me...-hangs head in shame-

But! That's why _you_ are the lucky one, because you get to learn what they are _before_ you rot your mind with them. So, I'm starting with yaoi.

What is yaoi? It's pure fangirl EVIL!!!!! So I think. Yaoi just means boyxboy love and all. But it is similar to shounen ai, but the difference is:

Shounen ai is just fluff and stuff. More innocent.

Yaoi is pure evil, and it's hardcore. Mind you, I don't read it, but usually yaoi lemons are involved. Which, before I explain that, I gotta tell you what a lemon is.

A lemon is...uh...more mature then alot of you youngin's to read (ignore the fact that I'm only 14 and read them all the time). In short, they're hot smex scenes that people enjoy reading and writing -snort-.

So when it's a yaoi lemon, expect steamy butt smex. Or the other way, which I still don't get but I've seen them before...x.x;

Then, besides the lemon there's a lime. It's more subtle, not as described and graphic and I guess they'll be easier to read. Usually they're more of mentioning then lemony stuff.

Then, comes the fun of grapes! Grapes have the most obvious names, they're short for rape scenes in fanfics! I think they're more fun and easier to write...but whatever.

Back to what I was saying about yaoi. It's evil!!! Usually it involves twisting character's personalities so they fall in love with their other male counterparts. I'm thinking the most famous is RoyxEd, which I despise with all my heart. But nooo, people actually seem to like the fact that they think that the two is gay, even with all the evidence showing _against_ it...but still, people think that between the two fighting all the time they're just hiding the desire to grab each other in unknown places and snog til there's no tommorow...gag.

With yaoi comes kumquats, which at first I had no idea what it was, so I had to reasearch them and read a few. So, after I healed my bleeding eyes, I've come to determine that kumquats are indeed, yaoi fluff and if I'm wrong please, correct me?

And fluff is just cutsy romance thingies, nothing big, the worse they do is kiss in them. Fluff goes for all pairings, straight or gay.

Which reminds me, I gotta tell you what yuri is! Just as yaoi is boyxboy love, yuri is indeed girlxgirl love, which is as sick and disgusting as yaoi is, but not as popular, so I want to believe. Shojo ai is it's opposite, the more innocent one.

Then there's het, which I'm still confused about but I'm guessing is hetero pairings. But to research that, I read this EnvyxPinako one which was SO nasty...DX Waaaah! If I'm wrong, still, feel free to correct me.

Well, I think that's it. I'll addmore if I find anything I missed, feel free to add more in reviews. Until next time!


	4. Rants about yaoi

Okay, so this is just a random chapter I'm writing to rant about yaoi. Nothing much learned here, just for entertainment purposes. Because ranting is fun!

BUT PLEASE do not read this if your a fan of yaoi and get offended when someone insults it. Trust me, I've gotten enough complaints already!!!

Note: Please not that I act like Ed alot, seeing as our personalities are _almost_ carbon copies, so ignore the fact that sometimes through it I'll suddenly start acting like Ed. I did this in Horrors With Milk, and it came out great, so like, yeah.

Starting now!

First, I wanna get things straight. No, I have nothing against homosexuals. I'm friends with them. Its just FMA yaoi I can't stand! And, I'm quoting Cathy on this one, PLEASE! New writers, if you like it or not, PLEASE! Don't write RoyxEd or any other kind of yaoi! It's completely taking over this website, and we non-yaoi fans burn at the site of them! Spare us!

Really, I don't see how people like them...

(And this is where I pretend to be Ed -puts on Ed cosplay-)

Okay, look all you damn fangirls. I'm not gay!!! I don't see how you people keep pairing me up with fricking guys!!! I mean, like Roy?! He's _such _an ignorant bastard! I wanna punch him, not make out with him! And also:

When I fight with him, no, that's not just to hide a burning desire to grab and snog him 'till the cows come home. (ewww, cows!)

If there was the slightest chance that I would ever fall into his lap, and let me add EW!, no, I will not become all shy and girly and start blushing and be all cute until he kisses me or something.

And I don't have office sex with him! Gross! Yaoi lemons are the worse, and then ya don't label them in the summaries so I keep reading them accidentally! I don't like the feeling of my eyes bleeding, thank you!

So, why the hell am I always suddenly half neko in RoyxEd?! Does it have anything to do with the fact that I'm so _cute_ and _adorable_ or something?? I like remaining human, so stop mixing my DNA with a cats!

And then, what, you're even pairing me up with my brother now! Yes, I understand that he is indeed very huggable and cuddly, but _how_ is it that you fangirls interpret me trying to comfort him if he's sad or telling him I love him to me making him my sex partner?! It's disturbing!

He's my fricking brother! The only relationship I have with him is in blood! I can't even _look_ at him the wrong way without you all thinking "ZOMG, he SO wants to have hot man butt smex with him!!!111!1"

EW!

EW!

And once again...EW!

Alfons is just my friend. A close friend. He's not my love interest. He doesn't have a schoolgirl crush on me. I don't sex him up to fill the void in my heart from losing Al. WE'RE. JUST. FRIENDS.

Oh! And pairing me up Envy??? Yeah, gotta stop. NOW! I hate his guts and he hates mine. He doesn't rape me, I don't do naughty things to him with my automail, it's just an "I'll kill you, you'll kill me" type thing. THAT'S IT!!

And, guess what? There's NO way in HELL, that I'm getting pregnant. Sorry mpreg fans, but I unfortunately don't have the right organs for birth. Oh, and there's the fact that I'M NOT GAY!

Speaking of that, what the hell is with this Fem!Ed I keep seeing?! Okay...one...I'm not a girl. I'm a guy. Not a girl. Guy. Girl, no. Guy, yes. I'm not secretly a girl, I'm not a crossdresser, I haven't and am not planning on having a sex change, I'm just a guy. That's it.

STOP TURNING ME FEMALE!

(oh, I'm so guilty of that, being a hypocrite right now...)

And of course, there's all the lovely other pairings you've put me in. Including my own dad??? What is it with you people and incest! Oh, and Scar, very nice. He completly loves me and ALL the State Alchemists for ruining his life.

But really, me and Gluttony?! Who the _hell_ thinks up of this stuff?!

And don't get me started on these threesome pairings. Uhuh, yeah, RoyxMexAl, very nice. Because of course we all have to come together and have sex. NO! You people are ALL sickos for writing them. Would you like it if you had a couple 10 THOUSAND fanfics saying you were gay?! No. You wouldn't. So stop making me gay already!

And I just wanna add one more thing, that bothers me alot. Okay, sure, you're making me gay and all, but still, how come I'm never on top?! I'd like some domaniance in whatever I'm doing, dammit, being on the bottom means I'm weak! Ya know what, forget, don't make me have ass sex at all! I'm straight! STRAIGHT I TELL YOU!

-takes off Ed cosplay-

IF I COULD, I WOULD TAKE ALL YAOI AND BURN IT!!!!!!!!!!

Yaoi is evil. And it's multiplying like bacteria. I swear, you go to the FMA archive and half the ones you see on the first page are yaois.

Very unnerving.

It's harder to find good FMA fanfics that way.

But, hey, I really can't stop anyone from writing that. It makes me a bitch! I'm just begging...on my knees...with all my heart...label your fricking stories!!! I really really hate reading something I don't like, cuz usually I can't stop until finished! That's _my _curse. Man, ya'll are so graphic! -sob sob cry-

So. Got anything to add to the yaoi rant??? Post it in a reply! I'll add a section to this chapter and post them up, it'll be entertaining that way. Mwahahaha! Ayumi, out!


	5. Grammar is your friend!

Okay, okay, I had some fun, I ranted, yay me. But I gotta get me some teaching done now!

Now...this bothers me...alot...it's just the simple thing of grammar, spelling, etc.

Your English teachers has been teaching you this stuff for a reason, ya know! So, I guess ya gotta learn it...again...but...yeah.

One, yes, grammar is important. My eyes twitch every time I see some grammar mistake in a fanfic. It's distracting and takes away from the actual story. It can be really good, but if there are grammar mistakes like woah, I'll stop reading it.

Because, yes, it matters!

Sure, yeah, it's pretty boring to edit your stories. That's why spell check was made (even though it kinda sucks and only does half a job). And I mean, come on, some of the stuff you gotta know is so easy, and ya'll are still skipping over them.

YA'LL ARE LAZY ASSES! -whaps-

So, little guide things of the stuff I keep seeing that bugs me.

Capitalization: That's the most obvious thing. -.-; Okay...beginning of every sentence needs a _big_ letter. Other letters get small letter. Got it? Good.

And there's something called proper nouns. Those need to be capitalized too. Meaning someone's name, place name, etc.

...come on people, this is first grade stuff. Anyway.

Commas: Are important and like...stuff. Ew, I dun wanna explain commas. -skips-

...okay, this is an English teacher's job. Doing something else! My friend, who had a better rant/teaching thingy planned, will be momentarily learning u today! So here she is:

--

Ok all of you fanfiction n00bs, I'm going to tell you one thing. IF IT ISN'T FIT FOR YOUR ENGLISH TEACHER, DON'T POST!  
I'm talking about poor grammar, sentence structure, bad plot, punctuation etc. When you start a new dialog, start a new paragraph, it's NOT that hard. Also, make it clear who's speaking in a long paragraph.

Example: If Ed and Roy are standing in a room with a grilled cheese on a plate.

What NOT to do: "HAH! The cheesy goodness is mine!" Ed looked at Roy and walked away.

Who got the sandwich?

The correct answer is Roy, couldn't tell, could you? Now, if we do THIS:

"HAH! The cheesy goodness is mine!" Roy shouted. Ed looked at Roy and walked away.

This seems stupid, but I have read SO many fics where there is dialog confusion.

We don't want to see you misspelling words either. If I read one more fic where simple names are misspelled, heads will roll...  
It's ALPHONSE! Not Alfons, Alfonse or Alphons. Risembool is NOT spelled with a 'z' or a 'u' and learn how to spell Amestris. It's ok to misspell words in quotations, if your character talks a certain way. A perfect example of this is Hagrid in the _Harry Potter _books. When he says "Missin' yer dinner, eh Harry?" It puts you in a sense of what the character is like.

Also, remember your third grade grammar classes. For the love of God, please learn the difference between 'there' 'their' and 'they're.' While you're at it, review 'your' vs. 'you're' and 'to' 'two' and 'too.' Also "Who's" vs. "Whose" and "It's" vs. "Its."

Strong Bad from Homestarrunner dot com wrote a great song for that. It goes like this:  
OH if you want to be possessive, it's just "I-T-S"  
but if it's supposed to be a contraction, than it's "I-T-APOSTROPHE-S"

Know what a homophone is? It's two words with different meanings that sound the same. This often leads to really crappy fanfics.

Example: "The night looked down at Edward, brandishing his sword."

Sort of hard for the sky to hold a sword, no?

Now, if we do this: "The knight looked down at Edward, brandishing his sword."

See? SO much less confusing. Also these little mistakes make you look stupid. So if you want to be taken seriously as a fic writer, use the CORRECT SPELLING! PLEASE!

Now I leave you with one final tip: proof your fics before posting. Half of these mistakes can be easily avoided if you go back and edit. If you want your work to be taken seriously, make sure its actually well put together.

Good night, and good luck,  
-Leia

Well, she basically said it all. I'll end this with a warning. Stuff like the tiny star thing and equal signs and stuff? Yeah, they don't work on FF. Try ignoring them! If you must use actions or whatever, use dashes. Improvise on anything else.

That's it! Until next chapter!!!


	6. Summaries

Okay, so what's today's lesson? Ah. Summaries. Some people may not think it, but it's important.

Of course it is. It's the thing that draws people into your story. So, naturally, it has to be good. Oh, but there's so much you can do wrong for summaries!

First of all, yeah, there's a lot of sad FMA episodes. Some, after you watch them, make you wanna write an angsty drabble about them. That's fine, but if you're gonna do it, label it as a spoiler. Don't say, like, "This is a spoiler about -insert dead person's name here-'s death in episode -insert episode number-" Because, guess what? You just spoiled it. -.-;

What else can go wrong? Giving too much information. See, if your summary is like this:

"Al gets taken away from the homunculi! Ed saves him, but something's wrong with Al, because he's been put under some strange spell that makes him more evil. To break the spell, Ed has to come face to face with the homunculi to make a bargain." -just made that up by the way-

What's the point in reading that story? There isn't any. We already know that Al's gonna be taken away but saved yet he's more evil and Ed has to go do who knows what. But frankly, people won't care what that bargain thingy is because it'll be boring.

Jazz it up by making it less wordy and more mysterious. Keep the reader guessing until they have to read your story. Something like "When Al's suddenly kidnapped, Ed has to go on a mission. But what he was looking for was not as expected." Okay, I think that's kinda crappy, actually. Hmm. But, you know what I mean.

Then, there's saying too little in summaries. If you're starting it by saying "Um...thz is my 1st FF, plz R&R!!!" Yeah, I doubt anyone really wants to read it. I mean, sure, it's okay if you only have a sentence or two for a summary, but if its mostly how you think your summary sucks and that to not flame this story and stuff, your not talking about your story. You might as well just leave it blank.

If you don't feel like writing your own summary, just use a part of your own story in it. I do it a lot, it sometimes adds to the suspense. For example:

"It was wrong, he knew that. But he didn't care. The sweet pain it caused felt good, it felt...right. Slowly, he drew the knife across his wrist in a slant, over the previous cut, making an X shaped wound." -That's the summary for X, which is one of my fanfics-

Okay. So you know that someone's cutting themselves. (yay emos!!!) And you know it's a guy. Who is it? Why are they doing it? See, it's good to make the reader ask questions. That makes them want to read the fanfic to get answers.

And, please, at all costs, do not use IM lingo for a summary. They bug the hell outta me. x.x And its a clear sign that your a n00b and probably don't know how to write. -cough- Not saying that's true, that's just what I usually think when seeing those summaries.

That's it for now, if I remember something else I'll add it on later. Bye!


	7. Reviews, Flames and CCs

Subject of today's chapter? Reviews, Flames and CCs! This NEEDS to be taught to our fanfic youths! I cannot allow for my...my...what's the word...ah...students! To know the proper...learnings of this topic!

So, first off, I'll start with reviews!

Ahh, reviews...I love them so...

What's a review? Yes, I know you probably know, but out with it! A review is like a comment people add to your stories to say good things or talk about your fanfic. They're nice, make ya happy and they're fun to count.

Appreciate every little review you get!

Sure, it might be slightly annoying to only get "Rly good chap! Plz update son!" reviews, but you still shouldn't take it for granted. Reviews do take time to write. Receiving reviews is always better then just not having any, no matter how small.

But! The huge ass, really well written reviews are fricking awesome! Filled with good compliments about how creative you were and how good your writing was makes you feel totally awesome. You gotta work for those though!

You want reviews? Give some yourself! It actually does help to review to other people, it shows you don't just ignore people. Plus, if the person you're reviewing is anything like me, they can check your stories through your name on your review and leave you one. -wink wink-

Replying to review is also good! Yeah, I don't do it enough for my own good, but I at least I try! They can be simple, just a little "Hey, thanks for reviewing!" type thing. Answer questions the reviewer asked, give them little quirks, make it fun.

Only bad things to getting reviews. Demanding them. I don't get why people would post a first chapter just to continue only for reviews?? Unless the story's kick-ass good, I'd automatically turn a story away if it has something like "OK, that waz chappie 1! i oly continue if i get 5 reviews, so R&R plz!!!!!!" (If your gonna wait for a certain amount of reviews before updating, just don't tell them -wink wink-)

Now, we get to flames. The bad reviews that people only write to make a person feel bad. To fully understand a flame, let's examine an ACTUAL flame that I actually got before! It's my first flame too, I'm SO proud ..of course, I'm censoring the naughty language for you younins...which means I'm only censoring the UBER naughty bad words. Hehehe. Anyway:

"Good Gawd. A -hahaha, they said the f word-ing piece of shit from my ass could write better than this. How old are you? Five? Six?

What the -hey look, the f word again!- is wrong with you that you think you can write a story people want to read? The only people that like this crack-out piece of shit are other inbreds like you.

Please, do the rest of humanity a favor and never, ever write anything again.

Just to make sure, maybe you should jump off a cliff.

Got it?  
Good.

-name withheld-"

Well! Let's dissect and examine this flame, shall we? Well...first! They made sure to insult my writing AND maturity. That's a key part. What's a flame if nothing about your 'horrible' fanfic is in it? And I should add, maturity is overrated!!!

Then they insulted my writing again. How creative. They told me never to write again, which I say was a clever touch, then, another key part of flaming, they told me to commit suicide.

For some reason, Flamers always want their victims to die. Are they sadistic or do they just don't like us?

Usually, flamers are identified by...well...flaming you. They also usually have no fanfics, meaning that they are indeed...hypocrites!

I would like to add that you should NEVER let a flamer hurt your feelings. They're only jealous of your uber awesome writing skills! All they are ish words from someone pathetic enough to deliberately hurt someone.

No one is safe from flaming! No one is ever really safe from the various Flamers on fanfiction. If you haven't gotten your first flame...you're only slightly luckier then the ones who haven't. Really, I want everyone to get flamed really once. Besides the fact that I'm slightly evil and psychopathic, all a flame is ish a _test_ to make you a better fanfic author. Can you really take it? What would you do, cry and get upset? That wouldn't solve anything. Get angry and reply with angry notes saying "WELL FCK YOU BITCH, UR STUPID AND U SMELL LIKE CHEESE!(wtf?)" If the flamer doesn't open it, it's just a waste. And what if they did and start a flame war? That would just suck. (PS, flame wars are when your flamer happens to have a story and you get revenge by flaming it, so your flamer flames more of your stories and drags their friends in, and you drag your friends in to flame theirs and its just a waste of time) Or! You can laugh off how stupid that person is for wasting their time on you and move on. Maybe even reply and happily joke around with it.

THAT'S THE RIGHT WAY!

And if you do get hurt, just look at the other reviews and people who like your story. What's more important? One flame or all the others?

Then, there's the CCs. It stands for Constructive Criticism, and I only used it cuz I couldn't fit that in the title! -cues where everyone laughs at this witty joke thingy-

CCs are the best. They pwn reviews and fricking kick flames' ass! Constructive Criticism is confused alot for flames, which they're not. In flames, they tell you that you fricking suck and to kill yourself before the world gets polluted more from your crapiness. CCs tell you that you either just need work and tell you how, or compliment you lightly while giving you some handy tidbits to make your stories better! (hahaha, I said tidbits...)

But, when it comes to being a hardhead and being stubborn like I am most of the time, CCs can annoy. You can totally think "Dood, what the hell does he/she know about how I fricking write?! It's my story, damn you!" Which, I admit, I've done. Bad Ayumi...

Or, there's the times when you read a CC and think that they just misread something. Like, oh, I dunno, claiming that you said every and all n00b story sucks? -glance at reviews/flames- That was a completely random example by the way, with nothing that actually has to do with real life, ehehehe...anyway, you'd read their review and it seems they're just blabbing about themselves as an author and how they want you to realize blah blah blah and you just wanna stick something very sharp and pointy up their fricking ass!...but it's okay, it's normal and you can just ignore it or reply and kindly tell them to stop whatever they're doing.

I think that wraps things up a bit...hope you learned a bit this chapter or at least had fun reading it!

As I end this, I just wanna say, thank you reviewers! I never expected to get so many already, I feel so damn lobved!!! X3 THANKS!

I FRICKING LOVE YOU ALL!!!


	8. Fangirl Jap

Okay, so, I haven't updated in a while. Don't blame me, I just couldn't think of anything to write about -is lying-

So! I've seen this being used alot in fanfics, and it has to stop. It's the bits of Japanese dialogue that some people have been sticking into their fanfictions. And there are so many reasons why you shouldn't.

First of all, there's nothing Japanese about Full Metal Alchemist. It just happens to be by a Japanese manga artist, and it just happens to be made in Japan and etc. Amestres is a parallel world of Germany! (But that doesn't mean you can just stick German instead of Japanese now)

And nobody cares if you say that you don't care that FMA is not Japanese. Because I don't know about you, but if I see Japanese dialogue I usually exit the fanfic.

If you really, truly want to show off how much you know about the Japanese language, then write a fanfic completely in Japanese.

So, let's have us here a classic scenario of the misuse of Japanese in English fanfiction, shall we?

_-Scenario One- Let's say this is a fanfic about __Roy__ and Ed fighting or something. _

Ed gets blasted back from a tower of flame, yadda yadda -barely trying-. He hits the ground and rolls a couple of feet.

"Nii-san!!! Daijoubu ka?!" Al yells from the sidelines.

"Gibuappu, Edo-kun." Roy says smugly, aiming a smirk in Ed's direction.

"Kuso..." Ed muttered, staggering to his feet. He glared at Roy and claps his hands, transmuting his automail into a blade. "Taisa!!!!" He shouts, charging Mustang.

-And cut! Hahaha, cliffhanger-

Besides the fact that I was over exaggerating and also showing off what I know in Japanese, who really knew what they were saying there? Come on, be honest. I see you, trying to use the translator to get what I said. You have to remember that not everybody knows as much as you do. You can even say "Konnichiwa!" in a fanfic and someone might not understand even that.

Now I admit, I do accept the whole 'Nii-san/Brother' thing, as long as the author isn't switching from each one every chapter. And honorifics are different too, since the English language really doesn't use them as much.

That's all for now, unless I remember something to add later. If anyone else has any suggestions on what I should cover, I'm somehow drawing a blank...later!


	9. How to freaking post!

Okay. Consider this bit the author's note, because it doesn't fit in with the guide in any way, shape or form. Well, kinda.

Alright, so I'm sitting here, going through my User Stats. Like, I was going through this list of like, 100+ people who got me as fav author, and looking through every single profile (yay, more hits!), and I was just about to go fanfic hunting using my list, when I just realized...noobs don't know how to put up stories, at least the newer ones...what's the point of teaching them about writing a story when they can't put it up?!

So, here we go. I'm gonna finally teach you hot to post your story up! Yay!

Alright, -plans to say that alot this chapter-, so how many of ya'll don't know how to put up a story? I'll just pretend I can see a few of you raising your hands...good!

Well, first you wanna...write your story, on some writing program like Microsoft Word, which is what I use. But Wordpad's pretty good too, so I use that half the time...so, you type your little story up, making sure that you (or your beta reader) edit and do the little...uh...things you do with fanfics...then, you go to our wonderful little site here, and click Login to get to our settings.

..but why can't we have like, a 'Settings' tab? Seriously, I got so confused a long time ago, because I didn't know how to get to my account information. There should be an individual label that says something like 'Account' or 'Settings' or...or...nevermind, forget it.

Where was I? Oh yeah, so after you get to your Account information, you click on the blue link that says Documents. It'll send you to some part that says Document Manager, and it should be empty or something...mind you, mine hasn't been empty in forever because I use the site to write my stories and never delete them...ahem...anyway.

Alright, so you go to the square blue tab under where it says Submit Document. You usually have it already on Story Format and only have to change it if you're writing a poem. Where it says Doc Label, you can either write your title for your story, or, as I like to do..."asgjiaspdjf" or something to that level.

Then you select your file where it says File on Computer, click on Submit Document, and bingo, your file has been saved! But of course, there's more, because of course fanfiction can never be simple!

...okay, ignore that. Anyway, after it's been uploaded, you click the tab for Stories. Which...well...will be empty. I think...? Mine's hasn't been empty...since...forever. Oh, I forgot, right after you join fanfiction dot net, you have to wait three freaking days before posting anything. In case one of you guys joined today or something...

So you click on New Story, right, and then some annoying message will say something like "-insert ID name here- you have not read and agreed to our story guidelines!-", so you click the link they give you and pretend to read the guidelines and click "Yes, I've et cetera."

Then, after they let you pass, they make you click New Story again, and a new window pops up that says "First Step: Click to Select Category". You click it and they open a new window, a very tiny one that has a hugeass list of all the subjects you can write fanfiction about. The first time is a pain in the ass to scroll all the way down to Full Metal Alchemist, but after that, they save the option for less scrolling.

Anyway, you click FMA (or whatever thing you're doing, but you should be doing FMA because...well...it's an FMA guide), then that window disappears and you get yet another link to actually fill in your information.

The labels for you to fill out are-

Title: This is where you put...well...your title of your story. Simple, right?

Summary: Remember chapter 6? You only have about 255 characters to squeeze your summary of your story in, so choose your words wisely! Otherwise you'll be stuck changing your summary everytime you update like I do sometimes.

Language: Hopefully you all are speaking English...if not...uh...how the hell do you know what I'm saying...er...writing?!

Rating: I'll probably have a separate chapter explaining these more...but...in short...they're like movie ratings. The more bad stuff, the higher the rating...uh...yeah

Genre 1: I need to go over genres, don't I? Well, this one is what genre you mostly picked.

Genre 2: The secondary genre. Your story _is_ this genre, but it's not as much this one as it is the number 1 one. Fanfiction is a complicated, fickle thing, ain't it?

Status: Saying if your story's finished or not. If you're writing a oneshot, for example, you'll click it out of 'In Progress' and put it into 'Complete'. But for some reason, even when the status says complete, you can still update it. Surprise!

Category: You chose it last panel, but they have this here just in case you changed your mind and decided it was some other anime. Or you made a mistake. I did that once. Hehehe.

Character 1: If your story's centered on a certain person, you select their names from the list. No, no Original Character names though. And for some reason, Izumi ain't an option. Dammit.

Character 2: The secondary character that's not as important as the first. Not always filled in. If all the other characters are secondary, leave it saying 'Any'

And last, but not least Document: You gotta select from the document you put your story in. Sometimes this gets hard when you have multiple documents and all the labels are random letters...but...you learn from it.

Then you finally click "Submit Story" and poof! Your story's ready to read! But then you gotta go back to Documents to delete it, because Fanfiction doesn't automatically do that anymore.

And remember, anything you do to a story ain't permanent. Even the chapter can be replaced with another more edited version, like I do all the time.

Hope this chapter was helpful; it was a pain to write cuz I had to keep looking back into the Document section. Gimme reviews and I'll give ya a cookie! Next chapter is the Mary Sue rant...finally!!!


	10. Beware the Mary Sue!

**Okay I'm writing this chapter in fanfic form for some reason because it's more fun to make fun of them in a fanfic then just ranting about them. X3 Also the freaking comma key won't work...dammit! So yeah. This was meant to be updated earlier but I had to add in all the commas when I got home...-wrote this in school during Theater Arts-**

**There's some bad language in this chapter (I guess, some people don't count it as bad) so look the other way if you get offended...don't hurt me...**

**Disclaimer-I do these now?-: OBJECTION!!!!!**

**---**

A girl walked into the Full Metal Fanfiction classroom and smiled at the readers and FMA characters seated there. She was the most beautiful one in the room; she had long, silken, gold hair that flowed down her back perfectly and curled at the ends with bangs exactly like Edward Elric's, but longer and prettier, and bright blue eyes that looked like sparkling sapphires. Even if she was a bit short, her body was slender and perfect even with just the right chest size. Her skin was slightly tanned but otherwise fair with not a blemish in sight. And somehow having an automail arm and leg didn't detract from her beauty at all. In fact it magnified it! Wearing a thin, short, skimpy white dress with a state alchemist watch slung around her waist, she glided to the front of the classroom and flashed her wonderful smile of pearly, white teeth.

"Hello everyone, my name's Angel Mustang." She said with another smile. Most of the girls in the class rolled their eyes while all the boys blushed as a curious tickling feeling came into their stomachs. She faced the board and wrote her name onto it in perfectly curly script with white chalk.

"Okay let's talk about me for a bit just so you all know a little more about me and my...-dramatic sniffle- tragic past." She sniffled again and all the boys/bishis went "Awwww," in sympathy.

"Well, to the truth I'm Roy Mustang's long lost younger sister. He had gone to the war when I was born so I never got to know him for who he was." She started with another big grin that she quickly disguised as another dramatic sniffle. Roy gasped, covering his mouth with his hand in a very girlish way. "No freaking way...I didn't know I had a sister!"

"Because I was long lost, Brother!" Angel piped up, quickly skipping over to give her 'brother' a hug. Roy smiled and returned the hug, tearing up at the dramatic-ness of this reunion. The readers felt like strangling her as she continued her OH so tragic story after she finally let go.

"Moving on, when I was 5 Mommy died and I was left alone. I started studying alchemy then, because I was and still am a prodigy. It was pretty easy to learn, but I didn't get alot from the books I got from my dad, who abandoned me when I was younger. When I turned 6, I attempted human transmutation, even though it was forbidden and created a homunculus. That's how I lost my left leg and right arm." She said, lifting her automail arm to show off.

"Awww, my poor sister," Roy sniffled, wiping away a tear. Ed and Al nodded in agreement, both choked up by how sad and angst-ridden her past was. A number of female authors, though, were the only ones to realize that it was basically the Elric brother's past but rearranged a bit. But this was the dangerous effect a Mary Sue had on male characters.

"Oh, so I guess you're wondering how I got this?" Angel asked suddenly, pointing to her watch. "NO!" The girls yelled, at the same time the boys yelled, "YES!"

She grinned, obviously ignoring the girls. "Well, I became a state alchemist when I was 10, and became the Perfection Alchemist...fitting, isn't it?"

"I can totally see why. You deserve to be the youngest state alchemist in history." Ed agreed, nodding his head.

"Really? Oh, that means so much to me, Edo-kun!" Angel squeaked, her face flushing red. "To tell the truth...I really, really like you Edo."

Ed turned red too but smiled. "I like you too." He replied. Thousands of people reading this (ha, as if I have thousands of readers. Puh-lease) toppled over going "DAMMIT!"

"That's it! I can't take this anymore!" One of the readers gathered there jumped out of her desk and to her feet. She too was on the short side, but was alot thinner; in fact, she basically looked anorexic, even if she probably wasn't. Her hair was long and messy, was frizzed at her short bangs and pulled up into a ponytail that still reached to the back of her knees. Her eyes were purple, but in this case, it was obvious that they were just contacts behind her purple rhinestone studded glasses. She stomped over to Ed's desk and slammed her hands around it. "What kinda crap are you spewing, FullMetal?!" She demanded.

"Who the hell are you, and why are you blocking the way? I wanna see Angel!" Ed complained. She scowled and slapped him across the face. The room gasped in horror- anyone who dared try to hurt the Full Metal Alchemist sure had Hell to pay.

Ed put his hand on his sore cheek and glared angrily at the girl. "What the hell was that?!" He demanded, also jumping to his feet. "Brother, don't!" Al squeaked quickly, the way Ed was glaring at the girl, it looked like he was gonna try to beat her up. Which he most likely probably could.

"Please, don't fight!" Angel cried in a melodious tone, her beautiful blue eyes sparkling with tears. Ed automatically stepped back, taken aback that his -ahem- angel (sorry, that pun was NOT intended) sounding so hurt.

Seeing this, the girl slapped him again, this time on the other cheek, making everyone gasp again. "First of all, stop falling for this damn Mary Sue! And narrator, my name's Ayumi, stop saying 'the girl' all the time!" She snapped.

All the FMA characters gasped and started muttering to each other;

"Crap, it's Ayumi! Ayumi Elric! Like, the _author_!"

"She killed me in one of her fanfics!"

"Hell, she kills me in almost every single fanfic she puts me in!"

"She scares me!"

Ayumi shot a glare at them and they all went silent. Ed stared at her, completely dumbfounded. "Why're you here? Shouldn't you be...", he waved his hand around nonchalantly, "Writing a fanfiction somewhere? And what's a Mary Sue?"

"I am writing; you just don't know it." She replied simply. "And that annoyingly perfect priss is a Mary Sue."

"What'd you call me?!" Angel demanded angrily, her eyes flashing red. Go figure, her eye color changes with her emotions.

"I called you a priss, you little shit!"

"Don't you dare insult me! AND I'M NOT LITTLE!"

"I can insult you anytime I want, ya skank!"

Ed watched the arguing go by, too confused and shocked to try and stop them. Both of his cheeks throbbed painfully.

"That's it! Nobody insults me and accuses me of being a Mary Sue and gets away with it!" Angel finally shouted, clapping her hands. The readers all gasped and got out of their desks, scampering to the back of the room to give the two battling original characters more room to fight. The FMA characters did more or less the same thing. "Shoot!" Ayumi whipped her glasses off and pushed them into Ed's hands. Without them, she started to look a little cuter, just a little more then the average anime girl cutesy style, "If I break those things again, my mom will kill me," She muttered as an explanation, pushing him out of the way.

Angel transmuted her automail into the same blade Ed used, though her alchemy's light was strangely pink instead of blue. She charged over to Ayumi, who dodged by jumping out of the way. Ayumi ran over to the blackboard and grabbed some chalk and started slowly scratching out a transmutation circle on the board.

"Ha! Can't perform alchemy without a circle?!" Angel taunted, clapping her hands again.

"Watch out!" Ed yelled from the sidelines for no apparent reason but to create suspense. But before she could transmute again, Ayumi smirked and clapped her hands together, which were strangely glowing at the palms about a second before. Slamming them on the ground, a whip of transmuted wood sprung out and wrapped around Angel, binding her where she stood.

Angel gasped, struggling in her binds. "No fair! I should be the only OC who could transmute without a circle!!!" She whined. Ayumi walked over and showed Angel her palms; each one had a transmutation circle glowing blue under her skin. Angel flinched at how creepy that looked. "I do have circles, just under the skin tissue where they can't be damaged. See, that's what I call a well thought out plot twist," She paused and winced, and the glow stopped. "But it hurts like hell to do." She added.

Angel suddenly smirked, her whole body glowing with pink alchemic energy. Her binds evaporated, and Ayumi was blasted back into a wall. "Baka! -oh no, Fangirl Jap- Do you think that a boring original character like you could defeat me? I'm perfect! I can do anything I want! Ha, I bend the very rules of the universe to suit myself! And you actually thought you could stop me?" Angel, obviously losing anything that made her look angelic, and now looked devilish but strangely hot, threw her head back and laughed.

Then there was a snapping sound and Angel burst into flames, screaming bloody murder. Ayumi gasped, looking over to the sidelines and spotted Roy with his gloves on; still pointed at the burning Angel, with dramatic tears in his eyes. "I...do not have a little sister!" He declared proudly, his voice strained. "In fact, I don't think Arakawa made me a family at all!"

"Ow," Ed mumbled, rubbing his head. He looked back to normal now- no sparkly 'I'm in love' eyes, and the happy blush was already gone from his face. "Frick; I can't believe I fell for that freaking..."

Ayumi stood up and grinned, walking over to Ed. "You can thank me later." She said, pecking his lips with a kiss. Ed blushed fiercely, and pulled himself closer to kiss her back-

Nah, I'm just joking, that totally wouldn't happen in real life. In reality, he turned red after he was kissed unexpectedly, screamed and ran out of the room, tripping over many various objects on the way. Ayumi giggled evilly and pointed at you. Yes, you, reader person. I can see you through this computer screen...mwahaha. "Review!" She said, then chased after Ed. "Come back here, Sexy!"

**---**

**And that's only ONE example of the evils of the Mary Sue. There's SO much more I could write about, but alas, I could only write so much for one chapter...hell, maybe I'll write a second chapter later on. Mwahaha!**

**And, just to explain the weirdness I did with Ayumi, I thought that with her main type of alchemy (soul alchemy, hehehe), it would match better if the transmutation circle was in her soul. Does that make sense? So basically, she's her own transmutation circle, depending on how powerful the alchemy she's doing is, the more of the transmutation circle you see. The whole thing is technically all over her body/soul. Neat, huh?**


	11. Genres

**Woah. o.o I got more reviews for this chapter then any of the others...think I'm onto something with making a fanfic guide in the form of a fanfic. -sweatdrops- Yeah...I think I'll do that for now on...**

**So yeah, I kept delaying this chapter because I was lazy, and I just got this really bigass review from AdventureAddict (hi!!) that I had way too much fun replying too and got in the mood to update...because she basically reminded me I still had this fic. I'm running out of things to say to start the fanfic...err...THIS..IS...RISEMBOOL! (and everyone goes "wtf?")**

**---**

As some of the secondary characters of Full Metal Alchemist set up the scenery, Edward Elric sat at the edge of the stage with his legs crossed and his arms folded, thinking hard with his eyes shut. People walked past him, some wondering what he was doing, others wishing he'd get out of the way so that they could do their job. A couple of readers pondered on what he was thinking about, and the author wished she had gotten some sleep last night instead of playing on Gaia and doing anime related stuff. And then a couple of other readers just wanted me to be done with this pointless monologue, which I'm happy of doing because I'm getting tired of writing this way.

Anyway, what Ed was pondering about was how the hell he had got there and what everyone else was doing. His younger brother Alphonse, in his human form like he is in 75 percent of all Fullmetal Fanfiction, and for some reason still having his uber cute ponytail even though he had obviously chopped it off at the end of the movie, walked over and poked his shoulder. "Brother, we're starting the fanfiction now. So do you mind doing something?"

"Ah, so that's what this is." Ed opened his eyes and looked at his brother. "What's this chapter about?"

Alphonse shrugged and looked up at the light blue tab bar at the top of the window. Ed also looked at it and wondered how that got there. "I think it's about genre?" Al guessed uncertainly.

"Okay...how're we gonna teach that?" Ed asked. Al shrugged yet again, and I whined about the homework I had to do later, breaking the forth wall yet again. Ed sweatdropped at the author and jumped off the stage, getting stared at by Alphonse. "Well then! What genre do you think we're doing right now?"

"I think general...it's not really about anything and it's kinda a mix of other genres..." Al jumped down next to his brother and beamed. "Hey! I think we just taught one!"

"I think we did!" Ed smirked in his Ed-ish way. "Awesome, what's next?"

Al tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I guess we do things that Ayumi knows best."

Ed blinked. "Alright..." He clapped his hands together and transmuted his automail into a gun. "Sorry about this, Al." He said sincerly with a small nod of his head. Al had about three seconds to ponder what he meant before Ed randomly and unexpectantly shot him through the forehead. Al let out a startled, pained gasp as he fell to the ground, the round wound in his head bubbling out crimson blood. He hit the ground with a thump and lay still, slimy globs of grayish pink matter oozing from the exit wound in the back of his head, blood spurting onto his face from the entrance, running in small red rivers into his wide open, glazed eyes and pooling into his agape mouth.

Ed's eyes widened when he fully grasped what he had done. He fell to his knees as the shock of finally being alone in this world hit his heart hard. "N...no..." He whispered dryly and crawled over to his brother's motionless body. "Oh, God, Alphonse...I'm sorry..." He whispered, choking back a sob.

Al sat up and wiped the blood off his face, his wounds magically gone. "That hurt, Brother!" He whined with a pout. "What was that for?"

Ed pointed at the two paragraphs above. "Horror and angst." Al nodded in understanding. "Okay. I forgive you for shooting me then."

"Good, because that wasn't my fault anyway."

Al just stared at him.

Ed wasn't paying attention though, instead pondering on what other genres they should do. "Um, Al, do something that I can comfort..."

Alphonse blinked. "Sure..." He got up, climbed on the stage and deliberately fell off it for no reason. He clutched his knees and pretended to cry. "Ow! Brother, I hurt my knee!"

"Awww, Al!" Ed cuddled with his little brother for a second, then let go. "Do you think that counts for Hurt/Comfort?"

"Not in the least." Al replied honestly. Ed nodded. "Good, 'cause that's all the reader's gonna get!"

Al smiled. "What about Adventure next?"

"Nah, our whole anime is basically an adventure...a quest to find the Philosopher's Stone! And I'm feeling lazy, so pick something else..." Ed scratched the back of his head. "Crime's next, umm..."

Al blinked and reached for Ed's state alchemist watch, snapping it off and ran with it. Ed's eyes widened. "Hey! Give that back, Al!"

"Never!" Al cackled evilly, but wasn't watching where he was going and ran into a wall like a cartoon character. Ed sweatdropped. "I don't think that counts either..."

"Blah...it's Ayumi's fault..." Al muttered, handing back the watch. I was either slightly offended and annoyed or totally agreeing with it, but I wasn't sure...just knew that I liked breaking the forth wall.

"Well, drama's next, since Ayumi just decided to go in alphabetical order...wanna do something dramatic?" Ed blinked his eyes, and Al shrugged. "Sure..." He gasped in an overdramatic way, the back of his head against his forehead as he pretended to cough badly and fell to the ground. Ed also gasped in the fake, overdramatic way and knelt down besides him. "Al! What's wrong?? Say something!"

"I'm sorry...I should've told you...b-but...I have a fatal disease that's been killing me called..umm...influenza..." Al made a dramatic flourish. Ed sweatdropped and I burst out laughing and whined about not sleeping. "Anyway, I'm dying, so...bleh." Al's head lolled back and his hand went limp like it always does when someone dies a dramatic death, and he was all dead and stuff...Ed faked a sob. "Al! No! AL!"

Al coughed. "Okay, that's enough...that _so _did not count."

"I know, this lesson really isn't helping at all..." Ed cleared his throat nervously. "So, uh, family's next, right?"

"Yeah..." Al sat up and looked at him. "Well, you are my brother."

Ed blinked. "Yeah...you're my brother too."

"Glad we established that we're in a family." Al nodded. "All done with that chapter!"

"That didn't do anything!"

"Hey, do you wanna get this chapter done or not?"

"Good point...fantasy's next!" Ed blinked twice. "How're we gonna do that?"

And then, like magic, Ayumi appeared as a tiny fairy type person, wearing Tinkerbell's dress but black and had a purple wand. "What the hell?!" She demanded in a tiny voice, flailing her arms. "I did not agree to this!"

"Woah, a fairy! Now we get three wishes!" (I almost spelled that 'wishis'...) Ed said excitedly. Al sweatdropped. "Brother, that's genies..."

And instantly, Ayumi poofed into a genie, in black, purple trimmed genie cosplay and everything. She glared at Al. "What is this, Round Robin??" (Nobody will get that unless you read my sis agent000's Round Robin Christmas story, chapter two)

"Anyway, let's make our wishes (Dammit, I almost said wishis again!), Al! Me first, ummm..." Ed pondered. "I'm actually kinda hungry, can I have a sandwich? No, wait! The _perfect _sandwich!"

Ayumi deadpanned. "Sure...why not..." She folded her arms and bobbed her head like that genie in Forgot-the-Name, and a sandwich appeared in Ed's hand. It was grilled cheese, because I love grilled cheese sandwiches...and it was made perfectly. Ed's eyes sparkled (smarpled? I almost typed that...I need sleep!) in wonderment as he gazed as his beautifully made sandwich. Al's eye twitched at his older brother. "A sandwich? We only get _three _wishes (wishis...) and you waste it on a _sandwich_!?"

"Uh...duh." Ed frowned at his sandwich. "Damn, I got nothing to wash it down...man, I wish I had some juice or something..."

Ayumi bobbed her head and a jug of apple juice appeared in his other hand. Ed beamed. "Sweet!" And Al felt like smacking him with something heavy. "Okay, this last wish is mine! And I'm gonna wish for something that'll at least benefit all of us..." But of course, the wish was simple. "I wish for only good Fullmetal Fanfiction, and that's it!"

"Too bad, wish denied." She stuck out her tongue, poked Ed in the nose only because it was cute and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Al would've sweared if his character actually allowed swearing, which it didn't. Ed just enjoyed his sandwich and juice. I wondered why I was writing this like a serious version of Poup.

"Okay, Friendship..." Al hugged his brother. "You're my bestest friend."

"Awww, you're my bestest friend too, Al." Ed said through a mouthful of sandwich. Al grimaced and let him go. "Close your mouth when you talk..."

"Aw, but then I won't be able to flaunt my awesome sandwich as much." Ed opened his mouth wide and showed him the gooey remains of melted cheese and soft bread in his mouth. Al thought of something pervy and out of character and toppled over. I snickered.

"Humor! Well, we've already been pretty much doing that..." Ed said after he finished his sandwich. Al nodded in agreement. I poked my sleeping sister and she said something like "Goober babeh"

"o.O?" Ed and Al both, uh...said?

Yeah, my sister talks in her sleep...anyway...

"Mystery! Oh, that'll be hard..." Al sighed. He looked at his brother and blinked in confusion that Ed was now randomly shirtless. "Brother!? What happened to your shirt?"

"Eh?" He looked down and flushed. "Waugh! I'm shirtless!"

"And pantless too!" Al shielded his eyes after that, afraid that something else would disappear. Ed turned red and stole Al's jacket, wrapping it around himself. "Who keeps stealing my clothes??"

"Heehehehehe...Edo-kuuuuun!!11!2elevenoneonepie!' The screech of the n00b-ish fangirl echoed around the room. The both of them shuddered, especially Ed because he was feeling an unpleasant draft, and clung to each other as the cackle of the fangirl came loudly from all directions. It's hard to be for sure what it sounded like, imagine a very loud "SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!" with "Kekekekekeke...", so it would sound kinda like "SQUEKEKEKEKE" It's really annoying and high pitched...

"Come on, Brother, we have to find out who took your clothes!" Al said shakily.

"Nuh uh!"

Al sighed. "Would you do it for an Edo Munchie?" He pulled out a bag of little cookies all in the shape of a chibi Ed. I want one! Ed bobbed his head and smiled; Al picked out one of the Edo Munchies and gave it to Ed, who devoured it greedily. This is a parody of Scooby Doo, by the way.

Ed's clothes then randomly appeared back on him, attached with a little note. Ed blinked, picked it off him and read it out loud. "'Mystery solved, it was all your imagination, yay for you' ..."

"Okay, that was a bit lame..."

"Completely...err...poetry...ahem...I did prepare a poem for this part." Ed blushed the slightest bit, making the fangirls go squee, and stared at the ground, poking his index fingers together. Al smiled. "Okay, say it!"

"Roses are red, violets are blue, wtf are you talking about, violets are violets you dumbass shit-nugget!" He yelled and grinned proudly. Al blinked. I stole the shit-nugget line from my sister Kiyoko.

"Sci-Fi's next!" Al grabbed Ed's arm and pulled back the sleeve, revealing his automail. "That's scientific, it's all roboty and stuff, plus it's fiction...same with alchemy. Do we need to explain it any more?"

"Don't think we do...and let go of my arm!" He tugged his arm away and fixed his sleeve. "Spiritual...how exactly do we explain that? Ayumi hasn't done it yet..."

Al pondered. "I guess it has to be all religious and stuff...that doesn't key in with Full Metal Alchemist all that much..."

Ed shrugged. "And that's why it's fanfiction..."

"Oh, right..."

"Okay!" Ed yawned the slightest bit. "Supernatural is like-"

"Hi kids!" Trisha's ghost appeared in front of them. The both of them fell to the ground going "Gah!"

"Mom, is that really you??" Ed asked in wonderment.

Trisha cleared her throat. "Noooooooo, I'm a ghooooooost, fear me because I'm scary, ooooooooooo!!!!" She waved her hands around in the air. They both stared at her. She sweatdropped. "Um...yeah..." She went poof.

"Ayumi, you seriously gotta get some sleep and stop making crappy examples of genres." Ed deadpanned. You don't think I know that already!?

"Suspense!" Al didn't feel like acting this one out, just to spare me. "That's like something really unexpected happening in a movie, and then the commercials start while you sit there going 'NO! WHY NOW!?'"

Ed nodded in agreement. "Tragedy! Uhh...really emo stuff?"

"Yeah...like...um...in one of Ayumi's fanfics, you killing everyone you know just to falsely avenge my death is pretty tragic, I guess." Al blanched slightly. "Although, I'd appreciate it if you don't become an insane murderer for my sake...or for anyone's..."

"I'm insane!? You killed me and stole my body in one of those Shadows Within oneshot things!" Ed yelled.

"Well, you killed that one old lady with Mom and never told me about it in that other oneshot!" Al yelled back.

"You beat me up for no reason in Rain! Wait, no...did you?"

"I dunno...but you implanted some demon gate baby into my body that's probably gonna do bad things but we don't know because Ayumi didn't update that story since chapter three..."

"Yeah, well you-...ya know, I'm starting to think we're only advertising her other fanfictions to everybody..." Ed muttered. Al blinked. "Now that I think about it...I tihnk you're right!"

Damn, I was found out...and I made a typo that I'm too lazy to fix...

"Um, western...I don't get this one...is it cowboy or just western like America?" Ed wondered aloud.

"Which one will be more fun to act out?" Al smiled slightly and put on a cowboy hat. "Well, I'll be darned! Yee-haw!"

Ed clicked a picture and put it on Photobucket, and Al whined about it. I mumbled something no one heard and wrote about it anyway, and my little sister said something in her sleep again...

"And now the moment I've been dreading from the start...romance..." Ed groaned. Al looked terrified. "W-wait! Can't we bring out someone else for this part!?"

"No can do, this is our segment and Ayumi's trying to prove a point by not making the romance segment with me and her." Ed pushed Al gently against the wall that was randomly there and smiled seductively, staring lustfully at him with his eyes half lidded. Al looked terrified. "Wait, Brother! Why're you looking at me like that!?"

Ed giggled in a very non-manly way. "Oh, you're so cute, come here you..." He took Al's chin in his hand and made him look at him, leaning his face forward.

"Brother, no, this is way too weird! This isn't right! Don't!" Al squeaked weakly. Ed just smirked in a very sexy way. "Oh, come on, Alphonse, I just want to play with my little brother..." He pulled away the slightest bit, tugging on his sleeve a little bit, revealing some of his manly chest (lol). "Unless you don't like my body..." He drawled with a cute pout. Al was too shocked to answer, and Ed just continued to do what he was just doing.

Al's face turned red as Ed's lips got closer to his own. "A-ah!? Brother...!"

Ed smacked himself in the face and ran away a few feet, cursing at himself. Al stared, wide eyed. "That was disgusting! I am never, _ever _doing that again, you hear me, Ayumi!!!!" He shook his fist at the computer screen, but I was too preoccupied being disgusted that for a second there, I had written shounen ai, even though that would've made a sexilicious picture. Ed continued to rant while chewing on a bar of Irish Spring soap, and Al just stared with his jaw dropped that he was almost kissed by his older brother, thus scarring him for the rest of his life and dooming himself to nightmares about this very moment. I was just reminded of that one episode of Inuyasha when Inu-kun was put on some spell and was acting the same way Ed just did and chuckled to myself. Then I ran out of genres to talk about and just stopped writing...

**---**

**That took about an hour to write, pretty damn good for a chapter this long, lol -fails at this story- I almost made them kiss! -dies- My reputation is probably shot now...-sighs- Anyway, hope you like this chapter, please review, I like the bigass ones XD; And for all interested, I'll soon be holding a webcast show to talk to some of my readers, more info later on my profile. Bye, my lovely fanficcers! **


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